i thought most of the people in the world are good, why is it so hard to find true friends?
Why is it so hard to find true friends?
You ask a question which is very complicated to answer if you want to fully understand, but maybe here are some fairly simple thoughts to get started with. I know or have known people in most countries of the world and have studied how humans work and have some conclusions.
I think most people are "good" (according to how one defines it - what I think is good, another may not). Good people do bad things. Bad people do an occasional good thing. People who mostly do bad things have severe psychological problems. People who do mostly good things have fewer such problems. So, let's understand all people are just people - most will do good and some will do bad things.
In order for civilization and society to exist, most people have inherited the evolutionary tendency for empathy and altruism (required for people to live together) and will, therefore have friends if they, firstly, will be a friend.
How do you define "true friends"? What do you expect them to be? How should they act? What can they expect of you and what is your behavior with them? How much of what you think about any or every thing should they agree with? Do you want to be able to trust them? Can they trust you? Can you be friends with someone just because of who they are rather than what they can or will do for you? (Those are not all the possible questions, just some to get you started on thinking about the issue you raise.)
If you are or become the type person people want to be friendly with, you will have friends. Understand that not everyone will want to be friends with you for reasons which may not have anything to do with you, for example, you may remind them of someone who mistreated them. But the better friend and human you are, the better your friends will be.
Just as your question implies, the important question is not how many friends you have, but the quality of those you and they have chosen to be true friends.
Remember that almost all the time almost all people will behave in ways which they think will be best for them. This is not always selfish or greedy, it is just that they are behaving according to what they think their rules for survival require. A pig can only be a pig, a snake only a snake, it takes thinking to be other than as we were born and trained.
If you want to understand other people, you must first understand yourself - what really and deep down causes you to think and act they way you do. Use reason (what's the evidence) and logic (what does the evidence mean), everything else is superstition.
Remember that almost everything you think and do is because of the chemistry of your body. All your body's chemistry is controlled by your brain and what chemicals you give your brain to work with by what you put in your mouth, breathe in your nose, and absorb through your skin.
You, and everyone, inherit certain characteristics but what you do with those characteristics depends entirely on you and your brain. Because of the way the brain works (or doesn't), some people make better choices than others.
So, if you want "true friends", be a true friend. Don't expect people to behave the way you think they should, but know they are behaving the way they think they should (except when they do something they immediately regret). Sometimes people change, but don't expect them to. And keep in mind that your job is to be the best human you can be. Your job is NOT to change someone else.
Humans learn by imitating and we teach others how to treat us. So, be a person others want to imitate (because they see you are mostly happy and live life well as a good human) and treat others the way they want to be treated (but don't violate your own rules for being happy and living life well).
Reply:In the words of Lex Luthor's father, People are no damm good
Reply:You have to find someone like you...Its hard to find a true friend....My friends sometimes forget I'm there cuz of there boyfriend or girlfriend...there are good ppl out there you sometimes are looking to hard.
Reply:idk??
Reply:True friendship requires mutual trust, which is rare.
Reply:wow - this is sad isn't it. True frienships take time - like cultivating a garden. Plant a seed and watch it grow - take time to water and weed and give it lots of TLC. Most people like quick superficial friendships because ...
1. we are busy with our own lives.
2. we are good with friends when things are going well for them...if they go through bad times....it's another story.
3. and al of the reasons named above.
It's not the quantity of friends you have, it's the quality of the friendship. If you have one or two really good friends in this life, consider yourself a very blessed person.
All the best to you.
Reply:the reason y it;s so hard to find real friends is that most people in this world
are
evil
back stabbing
manipulating
vicious
and conceited so it's real hard to find friends cause about 99 out of every 100 people r like that but they are a few good people in this world
Reply:Because no one wants to put time and effort into friendships. They just expect to make a lot of friends and then have them there. There's more to it than that. True friends aren't hard to find, they're hard to keep.
In a world with technology that's meant to keep us connected we're all just groing further apart. Use the technology the right way.
Reply:Cause most people are fake . they dont say what they mean , and they dont mean what they . So they say **** it and try to blend in .
Reply:People are out for themselves.
Reply:"True friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget."
I don't know why though-- srry!
Reply:because you don't think you are true friend material, what we think about others is what we see in ourself. that's your thoughts. you tell what you think about yourself when you speak about others.
Reply:i know! i thought i had a lot of friends, and they turned out to be, jerks!
go here if this makes no sense: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...
Reply:I also believe that most of the people in the world are good. But being a true friend is more a sign of maturity than goodness. In this case, maturity means that we can willingly put another person's needs before our own.
The best thing you can do for yourself here is to recognize that some people aren't capable of true friendship. Then, accept them as they are. Then, decide if you still want to be friends with them as they are.
A lot of our misery is caused by wanting people to be different than they are. We can always ask that they change, but we don't have the right to demand it.
It's a tough lesson to learn, but it's worth learning. Peace of mind is the reward. Good luck.
Reply:May be you are very close to finding a real friend. God is making you go through sad experiences, so that when you find a true friend you would appreciate him/her most. You would want to look no further. Probably even your 'true friend' would find you ONLY after going through such experiences. I feel you just appreciate the fact that you are not one of them. That all bad experiences are helping you take wise decisions about friendship.
Reply:Because trust is not easy to give or get.
Reply:now you know it is so hard to find true friends i know is not that easy
Reply:Cause everyone is a backstabber.
Reply:true friends are the people you can tell anything too and they can tell anything to you... they are the people who will always be your friend no matter what...they are also the people who dont talk crap behind your back or make fun of you just to make others laugh... they are also really hard to find
Reply:Because the world of today has people self obsessed and center, today people only have time for themselves, they can only do things for themselves, etc etc. But then again there is a whole world of different people out there you just have to find the right ones.
Reply:you can't just find them,,,,i think its all in the numbers,,be nice to everyone and maybe don't be so picky
Reply:too many bad greedy folks
too much time spent online
people afraid of strangers
women travelling in packs for safety
too much time spent with bad folks
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